Kashmir, India - Part 2

Hey guys,

I guess i left the cliffhanger 'hanging' for too long. Anyways, i did make it on time. To the WRONG terminal. I didn't know that unlike in other places where domestic is one side and international is another side, delhi airport's domestic itself terminal has 2 buildings. Different buildings for different carriers.

I kept saying domestic and at one point i think i much have mentioned another airline name. The auto driver dropped me at the wrong building. Thank god the buildings weren't too far apart. Went to the correct terminal. It took me about 20 mins walking to get to the terminal and then i had to walk around looking for the entrance.

Then i got to the correct terminal and i didn't really know what to do since i still had close to about 60-80 minutes. Bought some food. Got myself the local newspaper. Looked at the people rushing to catch their flights. All in all, just a jolly time. Of course, i did think at that point i wouldn't be bored out of my mind if only i had some dragged some friends along. But, well i also realised that i had some stuff to do in Kashmir and i wouldn't be able to justify that to a bunch of people rationally.



Was admiring Lord Nadaraja at the airport. After all, i was going to the foothills of the Himalayas which is His abode.

Flight time came. Got checked-in and ready to start my holiday in proper. :) I have to admit that i was very excited at this point. Adding to my excitment were the stewardesses of Kingfisher airlines. I realised that the women who were hired at Kingfisher Airlines to handle customers in-flight and as part of the ground crew were all beautiful. Surprising that no Women's Right activist took this up as an agenda to fight for gender equality



This is where things started getting bad. The captain made an announcement that the plane was headed to Kabul, Afghanistan. I honestly, didn't know how else to capture this moment. So I took the photo of the screen. Of course i had to wonder. Either the plane got hijacked, or i got on the wrong damn plane since the pilot seemed to be talking with a very calm voice.

As you can see, the plane is very close to Lahore by this point. Thank god, he didn't want to go to Lahore and drop me in the middle of a damn political crisis. At the very least i could have had some place willing to accept HSBC credit cards in Lahore, and bought tickets out. I couldn't see that happening in Kabul. Either way, I was headed towards a war zone. Kabul...Kabul...sigh...

Kashmir, India - Part 1

Hey Guys & Gals,

In the usual tradition, the cab had arrived and i was still packing. Completely unsure of how the weather was going to be when i arrived up there, i took some t-shirts as well as long-sleeved sweaters, a jacket, 3-pairs of jeans (God. Please bless the man who invented the Jeans).

Got on the cab, and he dropped me off fairly early at the train station. I had decided early on, the LAST thing i ever wanted to do was to buy and eat something at an Indian Railway Station stall. I didn't want to fall sick even before my trip started. Checked out the First Class Compartments and i have to say that they're quite impressive! :). 4 people in a compartment and about 3 compartments in a coach. If you can't picture compartments in a train, picture Hogwarts Express.

Anyway, the guy opposite me was a Lt. Col. in the Indian Army. He was going to Jaipur. After awhile i striked up a conversation with this man and i realised that he was a treasure trove of information about the North-West. He had served at Kargill and had visited Srinagar and Pehalgam. So, that's about the point at which i really started gathering information about Srinagar and the current situation there. :) Yup, you're right. Otherwise, I would have went up into a former warzone completely oblivious. Ignorance is bliss i guess. Anyway, the more i heard about the place, the more i was interested to go there at that point.

The train ride itself was about 24 hours. At night, i couldn't resist the temptation when we stopped at a station. I joined the other 2 guys in the compartment and had a bread that was fried with egg all around it. Something like the "Roti John" that we get in pasar malam except that it was using a slice of bread instead of the long bread. Besides it was ONLY eggs, and none of the other condiments. Yummy stuff, and then i took some "puri" as well. Came back into the train to find more food. I had ordered for dinner and it arrvied only AFTER close to 1.5 hours. Oh what the hell, i had that vegetarian food as well.

Somewhere at this point, we found out that some Gujarat people living on the outskirts of Delhi were dismantling the railway tracks leading into Delhi in protest to an accident involving a Blueline (the state run bus company) bus and a bus-stop FULL of people (must have been predominantly Gujarati). One of the guys got this sms from a relative living in Delhi watching the news at that moment. I looked at him quizzically(?) He admitted he didn't know the connection between a bus accident and the Indian Railways either.

Anyway, we had been chit-chatting a lot at that point and were tired. I had a surprisingly deep sleep in a moving, clanking, whistling mechanical machine. Got to Delhi on time and realised the affected tracks were the ones western of Delhi coming from Bombay and not the southern tracks from Hyderabad. (Thank GOD for that, or my whole plan would have changed). The 2 guys were nice. They got me onto an auto and sent me to the airport at the best possible price. (This price bit i noticed on my trip back, as to how much the autos in Delhi cost especially if they know you're a foreigner)

Well, thus ends the rambling of the first 24 hours of my trip to Kashmir. We have just arrived at Delhi and i am speeding in a Auto to the airport where my flight leaves in about 2 hours!!

Will i make it? =O???

The Dragon has passed away...

Hey guys,

Today got an offline message from Jeevan saying that, Robert Jordan has passed away. Of course, he knows I love Robert Jordan's books a lot and it has always been a long standing joke of his, that this day might come to pass. The passing of the author before the completion of the Epic...

Of course, I hate myself for wishing he passed away "at least" after he completed this book. Just check the Wikipedia entry under his name to see the 'projects' he intended to do after this mammoth task. Just the same, it's a great loss to the realm of fantasy adventure to see the passing of one almost as talented as JRR Tolkien himself.

I couldn't help it, I checked out the website where his blog is. Left a comment.

Comment No. 2175 at his cousin Wilson's post after he passed away.

To the family of Mr. Jim Rigney,

I came to know the Wheel of Time book only in 1998,

The first day I left my home country (Malaysia) and reached a new place (Australia), a new beginning in my life. I marked it with the purchase of a book; The Eye of the World. Since that day, I grew up alongside Rand, Perrin and Mat throughout my 18th year and onwards.

The words of Mr.Jim Rigney reached me and the advices and worldviews that he imparted, moulded me as much as my new environment did. Probably more, since I prefered to sit inside and read that series book by book. I eagerly awaited the next twist in the story, slowly escaping whenever things were hard here, and then came back refreshed. Such was the power in those books.

It was always a dream of mine to 'tip my hat' to the man who created this marvelous epic and thank him for the important role it played in my life when I grew up from being just a "farmboy" to a Man. And now I guess, it shall always stay a dream...

Thank you, Jim for everything. In your own words, "There are neither beginnings nor endings to the turning of the Wheel of time..." Farewell, Mr. Jim Rigney.

My deepest condolences to the Rigney family and everybody here that has felt that Mr. Jim Rigney was "family" too in their lives.

-Mathan-

I'm not burning any bridges

Hey guys,

Heard this phrase recently. Got me thinking. How many bridges have we burned? How many beautiful relationships and friendships that we had in the past, that now has turned stale. We promise each other that we would keep in touch. Yet, it never happens.

More often than Absence makes the Heart grow Fonder, it becomes a case of Out of Sight Out of Mind! Sometimes when we really sit down and think about the past. Whole chunks of memories with certain people just disappear from the mind. Almost as if the person did not touch out lives. Yet, after a certain period of time we suddenly (luckily!) realise that there is something missing in the interpretation of our memories. Looking back at photos, the truth comes crashing down that "I had forgotten that person and the good times that we had!'

This of course happens to people like me who are very used to meeting lots of people, and making friends with a lot of people. Sometimes I have wondered if what i was doing was wrong in any way. But the truth is just that I cannot control, the need I have in making friends!! I cannot control the fact that I want to know as many people as possible!! And perhaps the worst of all is the fact that I want everybody to be happy!!

Then all of a sudden, things would have to end and then, people would move out of our lives. This cycle repeats so many times that eventually we would have to somehow remember everybody or forget some poor unfortunate soul. Sigh!! A bridge would have to be burned!!

Just some random thought in my mind. In fact there is something else that is plaguing my mind. I am writing this particular post to release the tension inside. Lol!~ Well until next time folks!! I am so proud that this post was fully written using QWERTY!!

Take care people!!

Confusion - Resolved

Hi people,

The title says it all. Been here for 3 terms now. Confusion is setting in. I really don't know what i am.

Oh yeah, you read right. My thoughts have gone that deep. I have no longer any interests in trying to figure out what job I want to get into post-ISB.

See, To know what job i want to do in future needs a lot of thinking. I need to know my interests. I have to know my needs and wants clearly; extrapolated into the future with a little bit of Monte Calro Simulation to take into account the randomness of fate and luck.

I have to put together my core competencies that i have built in life, for the last 26 years. Now, at first glance it looks like i have been doing nothing, learning nothing. But that certainly is not RIGHT! I actually have done something extraordinary with my life. I have done many things that most people have not had the time or chance or money to do yet. I am proud of it, when i actually sit down and list down the number of things I have done.

What makes me unhappy is this problem with my memory. I forget things. I even forget things that I said I have learned and that I will make sure to remember, to never repeat my past mistakes. Problem is I forget and sooner than not I would be repeating the same mistakes. It happened again here at ISB. I just forgot who I am and why I came here during the last term. the way I approached the assignments and exams were pitiful. Nothing at all compared to the focus and composure I had during the first 2 terms. I just got carried away trying to deal with friendships, inter-study group relationships, inter-section relationships, etc.

I went back to Malaysia thankfully. Back there for a few days, seeing all my 'nakama' was a serious dose of reality. It reminded me of how much my family and friends love me. It reminded me that I am not alone. It reminded me that I did not have to worry about anything other than achieving something at ISB.

So, now i am back. Screwed one sem up a little bit. But, there are 5 more to go. I'll just have to find out what can be done in those. So, now back to the earlier point. My core competencies are what I need to learn about. The LDP sessions have been a great revealing experience. Now, I need to work on them. More importantly figure out what kind of job am I willing to FIGHT for!

Oh yeah, another few terms and the Placement season will come up. I know for sure, I want to be in an International placement. The resume building exercises are starting up. I need to know how to approach all these things to market myself as the best candidate for the position that they're offering even though my credentials aren't as flashy as the next guy.

But to fight for it at that level, I need to be clear of the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats that I would be facing at each job. Could I handle them? Would I remain motivated and interested in the offers? Would they actually give me what I want in terms of salary and job scope?

There is also the current thoughts of moving into the media industry. I have been in one part of the logistics industry. Should I just stay in this industry or bring the knowledge to apply elsewhere? =)

Well, I know that I need to spend a little bit more time. But, in the meantime thank you guys!! All of you in Malaysia that helped me so much to become who I am today, where I am today!

Luv,
-Mathan-

A Flight to Adventure...

21 and a half hours to go....

I'll be stepping on a flight. Connecting at Madras and ultimately arriving at Hyderabad. I gotta say. I have a lot of unfinished business here in Malaysia. Sigh. Too many people to meet. Too many words left unsaid.

I am not who i was in 1999 when i left the country for the first time. I have grown since then. I have realised the sorrows around me and the hardships around me. Yet, I've also seen the love that surrounds my life protecting me, nurturing me; and i am excited to take this step in my life now.

I want that love to reach all others around me. I want to be able to GIVE. These were resolutions that I did not have the first time. The first time it was all for ME. =) I left a boy; and i returned a man.

This time it is for everybody that i partake in this Great Adventure. I leave a man, to return a LEADER.

The Divine Move in Mysterious Ways

Hey guys,

Tuesday, April 26, 2005. Now if you guys look back in my posts, at that date there was a post called "The Divine Move in Mysterious Ways".

I ended that post with these 2 lines (Plus whether or not she realised it, she actually gave me an outline of what i should be doing in the next 2 years. Interestingly, this was my question during my prayers!!~ "What path should i choose now?").

Well, i totally forgot about that post until i was revisiting some of my earlier writings yesterday. The advice that i got from that lady, i had been following and my path was quite well-defined in Westports for the last 2 years.

And then suddenly, the whole ISB saga began. I mean i didn't think about it beforehand. But, now I realise exactly 2 years from that post I am entering the next phase in my life. I have about 2 years work experience, and now I am doing my Post-Graduate in Management. And I guess, this is where i will be getting guidance how to conduct my life professionally and socially in future. =)

The Divine move in Mysterious Ways indeed !~ (and it took me 2 years to realise this..)

Have a nice day guys!

Strange Palms....

Hmnn... I wonder if anyone realises how I am feeling at the moment?

I guess I am feeling just like how another 400+ Great Individuals out there are feeling. Yet, I feel there is a spring to my step. A bounce when I crash on the bed....(err, bad example), a croak to my voice that comes from knowing that soon I am not gonna be in this country anymore.

I am gonna take a flight from Gate 13 and a half, and then have horseless carriages take me to Hog-....(err.. ISB?) where I would be spending the rest of my year cramming up on studies. There would be points when I am told how to cast magic effectively(marketing), how to keep track of what i cast(finances), how to make others cast spells for me(human resources), how to be a good spellcaster(ethics), how to cast faster and spend no energy to lift the damn sword out of the rock when Arthur isn't around.

I know currently I just feel tempted to use the One Ring. I know at many points in the coming year I would feel the temptation of using it. Knowing full well it is wrong to do so and that it would corrupt not only myself but also everyone around me into using their own One Rings. It lets us become invisible and draw away from the world around us. We say it is to gather our thoughts and keep our sanity, but who are we kidding? In loneliness shall madness creep ever faster to claim its prize; the mind.

If only I could find my Fellowship that supports and nurtures me and encourages me to cast away my One Ring. My mind shall be whole. It happened once when I was not looking during my undergraduate years. One blink and there was my Fellowship standing by me. =) No matter Muggles or Ents, everyone was in it to make the other shine his / her best!!~

Let it happen once again!~
-from the disjointed memoirs of Frodo Potter-

An Ancient Riddle...

The lone wanderer creeped stealthily in the catacombs. Alert. He took great pains to step on cobblestones with the thickest layers of dust. Everything about this man was sharp edged from the broadsword on his back, to the look in his eyes that glowed blue. A look that betrayed an ancient intelligence, incongruent with his youthful form.

"This ancient labyrinth is empty. Nothing is alive here anymore. The SunMen wiped themselves out aeons ago...."

These were among the last thoughts of some of the still rotting corpses at his feet. He knew. Having been so close to Death himself numerous times, he could sense their last thoughts. The horrific realisation.

He made his way to the central chamber. By no means where he wanted to go. The Point of Origins. Yet, he needed to deal with this Threat first. The central chamber with its ambient lighting and tall, wide pillars all around could provide him with the cover he needed to fight IT. Reaching, he realised how big the Central Chamber actually was. You could have placed a small city in it. It could have hosted a large army. It still did. He was finally at the site of Arthur's Folly.

The entire human army was dead. Curiously, their heads were all stones. Some had been smashed as the bodies fell. In some, you could still see the petrified visage as the bones had turned to dust over the last 500 years.

The wanderer turned to glimpse slightly to his left. He half noticed a crowned stone. Turning back to the middle of the Central Chamber suddenly, IT was already in front of him. No warning. No movement. No magical residue. IT asked straight into his mind....

"How far has come thee, wanderer? Perhaps a certain treasure is what you need? Perhaps my friendship you have come to seek? Any is possible, for an Answer. An Answer that I seek. One that was asked of me and I did not answer wrongly. None of your forefathers could Answer me as you can see. I hope the Aeons have given your race the wisdom to Answer me..."

The wanderer couldn't think of an escape. He knew now there was only one way. Answering. Yet, something seemed strange with this whole situation. Something in the words uttered by the SunMen's Final Creation. Yet it had already started reciting the Riddle.

"Each of my sons have twice as many sisters as they have brothers. Yet, each of my daughters have as many brothers as they have sisters. Tell me now, o' wise wanderer. How many sons and daughters do I have?"

The wanderer's mind raced at the possibilities. The contempt in ITS tone was unmistakable. ITS glowing red eyes made him focus totally on the riddle at hand. He could not think of anything else outside the riddle. He looked for tricks. He looked for loops in the riddle. In the end, he realised. He just had to Answer it. With a smile, he realised there is only ONE right answer. Finally, he could breathe...

"You can ask me ONE question. After you have Answered me. "

Again, straight into his mind. The wanderer realised things are getting better after all. He could almost catch a sense gloating from IT, quickly hidden..

Step 3: The Interview

Hey guys,

Well, the interview was short and sweet. This is what I would like to say. But, we know that is hardly the reality with Interviews especially when it concerns admissions to a particular gaining-in-popularity Post-Graduate Programme. =)

I go the e-mail asking me to make the call at so-and-so time. I did call right on the dot. Unfortunately, my dear house phone that has consistently served any type of calls suddenly decided to give trouble. I could not Intn'l Direct Dial out to India. Sigh.

So, I ended up calling in 10 minutes late. I apologised to Mr. Sanjay Singh and then continued on to the gruelling bits. In fact, I would say I did have a very easy session as compared to what the other guys have been writing up in the Yahoogroups. In fact, I was in such a daze after the interview that I really cannot remember the questions that were asked of me now.

Maybe it was tough, but I did not feel it due to my utter and complete confidence at my success level. I have been blessed by Dato' Seri Guruji. Nothing else would be able to withstand or negate the power of a SUN now can it? Blessed Souls are like that. Nothing negative would be able to withstand their intent.

Of course, I won't be able to forget the last question. "Why didn't you get your immediate superiors to write you a testimonial? They have the time and position to see your current leadership skills. Your previous professors aren't able to do that. Can you get us your superior's comments?" I stammered badly as I had not expected a question about my application. I apologised and I promised I'll get it to them the following Monday. The reply i got was, "Send it in and we will give our answer in 2 weeks."

Asked them back a few quesitons, emphasising on the scholarships...and after that hung up! =)

Step 3: completed....

Step 2: Submitting the Application

Hey guys,

Now this was done last minute as the truest of Mathan's traditions. Honest to say, I really cannot remember what the Hell i was doing during August. But, I know I wasted my time a lot and took the whole application exercise lightly since the submission was by 3rd of October for the first round of Intakes.

September came and 2 weeks went by. It was about then I started everything. I realised at about that point that I had a LOT more to do than I realised. I was running around frantically. (My hair caught fire.Lol!~) There were 2 documents that I needed to get other people to write and submit. I chose Dr. Alan and Dr. Sagathevan to be my references. Took sometime for them to get the stuff written down and passed back. Had to get some copies and some documents verified.

Of course, the online site was a little difficult to navigate especially in trying to submit my educational background. I don't think ISB has had any students from Malaysia, therefore I could only submit best approximations to what I have scored. Sigh!~ I just prayed that my application would not be rejected due to the admissions team misunderstanding me based on the approximated results.

During this time, I would say Mr. Sanjay Singh of admissions was very, very supportive and cooperative. He took his time to explain in detail what I need and need not do through his emails. Honestly, his guidance helped a lot. Thank you very much, Mr. Sanjay Singh!

Submitted my applications online and couriered the hardcopies through DHL at end of September. Luckily, admissions team recieved my application package and updated the website promptly. Very happy at that time realising I've done the easy part and now the hard part was coming up. I was up to the challenge...Lol!~

I almost forgot the important part. I almost couldn't send the application on time due to being unable to find the bloody DHL office near my place. I found the area. It's just that the office was further in and I mistakenly thought, they being a prominent courier service would definitely set up their offices as close as possible to the main road. Oh BOY, was i WRONG!! It was so deep in I found it just as I was about to give up searching. Of course once I reached there, the guy there told me, they do document pick-ups at a little extra cost. Note to self: Definitely gonna use that service in future!! But, I did see a RPT Centre member working there. I was so happy to see her there. She briefly guided me on what I should do. Filled up the forms, put in the package for processing and left...

Step 2: completed...

Step 1: The GMAT

Hey guys,

This is the where the interesting part starts. Henceforth, the blog will cater to the general knowledge of all that come in to this site. Be it my family that supported me throughout these years, my darling best buddies, my dear Westportians or my new ISB batchmates.

I will be posting regularly to update everybody about my progress in life. Let's start with the GMAT. Paying for my GMAT was my very first HSBC Visa transaction. Not even 5 minutes had passed when a representative from HSBC called me to make sure I'm still holding the Card in my hand. Yup, it costs a lot in MYR. Close to 1k.

Following this, I got my follow-up materials a few weeks down the line just before my exam appointment. I got to complete one mock test after installing a specialised software on the day before the test. At that point, I was beginning to get a little befuddled due to the total new approach this exam was using to hammer at my mind. I've never tried for any MBA courses before this. I don't have anybody in my family who tried out the GMAT to attempt a Masters overseas. Nope, No cousins, no uncles nor brilliant aunts who stepped away from the shores of Malaysia. The friends who attempted are all already years out of contact after they made it overseas. (Sorry William, I know you're an exception ;P ). Effectively, no guide. I tried the second mock-test in between waking up and going to the exam in the afternoon. I have to admit I didn't complete the second mock test.

Arrived at the exam venue at KL Sentral. Saw a cute chinese girl that was holding a book and I surmised she would be the candidate before me. Took a quick glance at the wierd text book she was cradling. "GMAT" . I maintained an air of calm confidence, yet inside I was feeling the edge of an icy cold knife twisting. "GOD DAMN IT!! This exam has a TEXT BOOK??? And it's THAT thick?? These were some of the milder questions with the louder incessant background hum of " I'm so dead....I'm so dead...MY RM900+"

Well, I took the 15 minute time in between her going in and my time to go in by praying. HARD! Cleared my mind. Prayed that I won't panic and I would be able to attempt all questions at full concentration. Went in and attempted the GMAT. Of course I was quite confident I would be able to score along the mid-regions of 700 until before I saw that text book the gal was holding. After that, I left it to God and Dato' Seri Guruji.

End score 620/800. Requirements at ISB is 600+ (Whew!) I did score 5.5/6.0 for the Written part. It must have helped. I cannot remember the topic now but I do remember it being something that I could analyse well and provide strong viewpoints. I was still disappointed with my scores since my dad told me to score 700+ for the GMAT. The only consolation for that was when Duke University sent me a prospectus encouraging me to apply to their course. Coincidentally, my dad had just read a weekend newspaper report on the top business schools worldwide. Duke University was rated No.4 there.

I was focused though. ISB was my only choice and I sat for my GMAT only because ISB required the scores for an admission. So, at the screen right after my GMAT was completed I entered only ISB as the direct recipient of my GMAT scores....

Step 1: completed...

The Shape of Things To Come

Hey guys,

And after another half-year, I finally re-appear on the blogging scene again. Now I am determined to continue blogging again. Well, anybody who read my blog entry last would realise that I was in a predicament. Little did I realise that I was to be embroiled in a worse predicament. But, this worse predicament comes with a Golden Path. A path to Meteoric RISE!!

Hence the question arises. Do i stay in my little predicament that is about to be solved? Or do I step into raging fires knowing that I not only have a path to follow but, a also a Divine Guide to ensure I stay on the Path? The answer is almost a no-brainer. Any sane risk-taker would say run through the fires, but only I know the extent my failure would burn others. A whole generation may suffer the psychological impacts of my failure. If I fail... =) <--I smile because it is IMPOSSIBLE that I fail. Not as long as my Divine Guide blesses me.

A Divine Guide that is the most Powerful Sitthar in the world. How else would I be able to trust my instincts and go against my parents when they heard of the cost? A Divine Guide that they also have faith in. A Divine Guide that actually has in His Full Divine Grace granted me the opportunity in which I would be able to serve Him, by spreading my knowledge and experiences after joining Rajayoga Power Transcendental Meditation Society of Malaysia to the graduates and intellectuals overseas.

Yes, I do admit that I have dropped a lot of hints and haven't really fleshed out any of the details yet. In fact, in the coming days and weeks I am going to slowly recollect the last few months and the process of how everything has come into place for me. Please bear with me...

Life and how it suffocates normal people.

Hey guys,

Well, here i am posting up in my blog after a long time. I am not really sure what i want to write here anymore. Work is killing me in the sense of taking up my time and not really paying me sufficiently. Sigh. I have some ideas as to how i am going to overcome this. Of course, I am not really prepared and i think the best plans are those that twist and turn according to the times. =)

We do live in such times. Times that need constant change that allowes us to flourish. I know that i am capable enough to think it up. The changes that i need. But, can i live with it and can i follow through with the brilliant plans that i come up with? Well, I know that i need to save up some money at least to enable all these to happen. Unfortunately, i am now stuck in a deadlock where i seriously CANNOT save any money. If i have to wait ONE YEAR for a pay raise so that i can live a more comfortable life and start saving, I might just kill myself. Or would i?

Anyways, i have to survive it. I have to hope for the best in life. I already have a few blessings in my life that i have to be thankful for at the moment. I am sure with patience even the most hardest mountain would crumble. What's a year of revelling in the current blessings while waiting for the better stuff to happen in future right? ;)

I have a burning dream. I will live it. I will not die before it lives.....

-Mathan-

The beginning has ended...

Hey guys and gals,

Well, let's see. I had a hell of a New Years!! The guys told me earlier that they wanted to go to Bangkok Jazz. So i had taken off on the 1st of January. It was a great party that we had. Renu and Jane came so it made the whole thing merrier. Others were ME, Adrian, Pei Tze, Ping, Risdan, Ben, and Ping's fren Yvonne.

We went to Goucho Grill beside Bangkok Jazz for our dinner and unfortunately even though the food is highly recommended by Pei Tze's colleague during normal days, their special New Year's Menu left a LOT to be desired. They hiked up the prices and gave sucky food. Thank god we could go all out on their salad bar and that's what we did.

After dinner Pei Tze, ME, Jane and Renuka opened a Jack Daniels to get inside Bangkok Jazz and the rest paid the cover charge. Other than that, i have to say the music was good! The atmosphere was good and we were dancing all out after the New Year Countdown!! One of the better New Years i've had.

Whille having dinner i had the chance to make a call and celebrate with someone 3 hours ahead of me, since her new year was happening at that point. Happiest call i had until i told her that i missed her on the phone. Then everybody was laughing at me here and when she said she missed me too, her frens were laughing at her there in Australia.

Well, the night ended in a little bit of a bad note though. Our dear Risdan got drunk and started going around hugging everybody. Later when he reached the car park, he vomited a second time and was dragged to Ben's car. Everybody was tired but due to the road blocks we took a long time to get back to Adrian's place... especially with Ben not really knowing which roads were blocked and he kept going in circles. Finally, when we got to PJ my car tyres went into a big hole and got punctured. I had to stop in an unknown car park near Adrian's place to change tyres. Thank you to Pei Tze for jacking the car up while in a beautiful dress. Renuka for holding the tools while half sleepy and Adrian for walking all the way to us and helping me with the whole tyre changing process.

Anyway made it home the next day, just in time to go to centre with family in my new car. It was nice celebrating New Year's with family too. =)

On a last note, i just found out the date that's going to change my life. 25th of January, 2006.. I am dying with anticipation. I pray everyone would be happy at the end of the days that is to follow. Please everyone pray for happiness in my life too la.. thank you!!

-Mathan-

Well the END is here...Happy new one guys n gals!!

Yeap ladies and gentlemen,

It is the end of the year now. It has been about 4 months that i did not write anything in the blog. Sometimes i just had a bad day and i didn't want to write about it anymore. Sometimes, i really would have had a great day. It was so great that i did not want to share it with anyone actually. Sigh, strange how i at those times lost hope in the saying "Happiness shared is doubled ; Sorrow shared is divided" I just wanted to collect and keep what i had to myself, trying my best not to let it go even one bit.

Anyway, i have started to work in proper now. No more job skipping. No more training. Totally an employee of Klang Multi Terminals Sdn. Bhd which runs the best port in the country also known as WESTPORT...eheheh!! Working 3 shifts, i am attached to Group D and i am their Shift Operations Executive. This means during my shift i am totally in charge of whatever happens in the Container Yard. Most of the times i just have to make sure that the Yard is traffic jam free. Company is generous, bosses are understanding for the most part, career path is great with the upcoming expansions. All is left to be done is me learning my job and performing at it.

Next, i have to say my active life is sort off in the slow down phase. Need to change that and really try my best to find time to do sports. I am not going to blame busy working hours as a reason for not exercising and start to grow FAT like most people do. We HAVE a choice, and i choose to make myself MORE tired! Hahaha!!~

Hmmnn what else to talk about. Do i mention love? I guess i should. Since maybe one day i want to look back at these postings and remind myself of the changes that happened in my life. Hahaaahaah... These are the silly things that forgetful people do. Anyway to start off, the one lady that i was interested in the most for all this time finally jumped a cliff to her death. This is what happened in my heart la. She is alive but the one thing she could say to make me hate her, she said it. And thus my feelings that were growing strong for a year like a young tree in my heart just got dosed with Paraquat. Poisoned the whole system. And well, like any self-respecting male i tried to avoid her but she didn't let me. (Hahahaha...no surprise there seeing how silly she can be sometimes.)

Of course as i have seen happening in my life, every thing small or big that happens in my life happens for a reason. Seemingly, almost overnight another bright and beautiful young lady stepped in and we both happen to be crazy for each other right now. I have to say absolutely no traces of the earlier feeling is in my heart anymore. It just got wiped out and nothing triggers me to feel warm towards the earlier girl anymore. I tried my best to delve and make sure it is not some form of rebound that i am experiencing...

What i do know is the present is what counts. No matter what i have said or done. The NOW is what matters and now i think i am falling hopelessly in love with the lady that stepped into my life. She might think of herself as attractive and that she chose me among the bunch of guys that hit on her and try to get her attention (seriously it happens. I am not exaggerating here). But, i know how particular i am about my own choices too, and she fits into my life perfectly. Everything new that i learn about her just makes me realise how much more right she is for me...how freaky is that? =P.. well, anyway i know i am going to try my best! Since everything has been going right for me, in this matter i will fight for it.

Ok.. work, sport and love has been covered. Next up is about my family and meditation. Family wise there have been some strains between members. We all love each other and we all do not want to let go of each other or give up on each other. Just that increasingly there are more individual opinions and well, as is the case arguments are bound to happen. (Heaven knows what's gonna happen when i finally tell them about my relationship issue...=P) And every argument sort of stands in the way until it is resolved. I am trying my best to stay out of them so that i can help to resolve them. Hahahaha....Of course sometimes i am caught up in them too. Normal stuff between families la, just that its happening more frequently than i am used to.

Thanks to the fact that the whole family is in meditation i think we have this one common ground where we let go all personal issues and deal with it professionally and peacefully. It keeps the communications open and quite a lot of the times those of us with arguments would find the answer in our meditations as to what we are willing to let go and compromise.

Yes, this is the part i keep trying to tell my friends but they have NEVER listened to me. The meditation that i do whole-heartedly. The centre that i go to voluntarily. The power given to us there is REAL!! The power that our Guruji has is REAL and it is Divine in nature. (no magic involved and in fact no one with ANY magic will be able to penetrate the protection we gain) The true essence of a Divine Guru is in enabling His disciple to be able to achieve all the levels that the Guruji himself has reached. I have felt it since the day i took the course and i am still feeling it in the 3 years that i have been in the centre. There is a power within me that grows and helps me the more i do the meditation that i have learnt in the centre. The power even enhances my prayers making them come true most of the time. It is NOT in my mind...it is NOT just my belief...It definitely is NOT only for me or my family. About 100,000 people have taken the course in Malaysia and the centre grows rapidly. Yet i have one regret. Not even ONE of my friends listened to me and took the course to benefit from it themselves. They say money is a factor, yet they go shopping. They say time is a factor, yet they go to cinemas to watch movies. They say about not being interested and that it is too early... bla bla bla, yet the course is all about personal gain and advancement all the way. Why do you want to WAIT for that when you see that I am benefiting now?

Lastly, we come to the latest benefit that i have gained from doing my meditations. I prayed and got myself a car. Brand new. In my prayer i envisioned the number plate to be BHX 96. The number just lari a little bit. I got BHX 960 since the tendering for the BHX 2 digit numbers were closed before i got the registration card. Everything else about the car is as i imagined it to be. Even the repayment is lesser than RM 500, which is one of the things i wanted. If you buy the same car now, the repayment would be more slightly as there is no more purchase discount. The tuesday before i got my new car, in fact i got into an accident driving in the Kancil at my workplace (the Container Yard isn't a small place so i need it). Never knew what happened but at the end of it, instead of crashing at the back of a trailer and causing a funeral(mine), i just hit the tyres and bounced back. I know the protection i have took care of everything when i lost concentration at the wheel and looked off to the equipment on the right behind my shoulders. Foolish? yeah....but i'm still alive ain't I? :) Convinced yet? :D

Signing off for year 2005!! May we have a great and ACCIDENTLESS year 2006....=P

-Mathanaseelan-

Disastrousness at its best!!~Part 2

Hmmnn...Guys n Gals!~

The process has begun. I am trying to question as deeply as i can. I am trying to see what is fundamentally ME! ; and what is just a layer on me. So far, i have felt a difference in the air around me. (Hmmnn....or did i not take a shower this morning?Sometimes deep questions like these are asked)

Of course, the next question which is a continuation from the last part is, "What do I want?" This question is currently put on hold. Ahahahahah!!~ Well i need to define myself first. Then realise why i am interested in the stuff that I am interested in. It can't be for the sake of interest alone. There has to be something more to motivate me to actually start them and then to pursue them. I feel there should be a goal for why I want to succeed in that particular field. I mean people do it instinctively and i maybe did it instinctively for the WRONG reasons. Or you DON'T need a goal to learn something like the guitar?

Of course in the last post i did 'exhale' some of the stuff i have defined as "stuff that Mathan hates". Those that read, please pay ATTENTION to it. Simple and extremely accurate information coming straight from the source. Next, we shall expand to things that i LIKE. :D Yay!~ I love reading. I read for escapism. I read to see, can i learn something new that everybody else reading the same text overlooked. Like my question to Elly that day.

"If Adam and Eve were the first Humans to be created and before them there was only God, the Garden of Eden and the Angels. The moment Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (hope i got it right) Eve immediately realised her nakedness and covered herself. She then gave the fruit to her husband Adam who at once realised his own nakedness and covered himself too. So, from being totally impartial and naive beings they 'knew' things courtesy of the fruit. This knowledge was supposed to be reserved only for God. At this point, God banished them from the Garden of Eden before they 'makan' the fruit of the Tree of Life. It was a stroke of brilliance for not trusting them anymore and sending them away, especially with the damn serpent running (slithering?) around loose. But why is it WRONG? Why is it WRONG in the eyes of GOD that something HE created (a human) is naked? What did GOD have in reference in his infinite wisdom to compare this idea with? I mean the idea of Good and Evil. Simply said i am looking at it in a one track mind while God would have looked at the problem in a Omniscient view. The question would be,"Why after putting all the pieces of the jigsaw in the same place, God would be represented as having walked away? ...and the BEST question would be why did he not send any of his servants to stop the event from ever taking place as God would have known full well this is a possibility to happen. Why come back after the event and ask Adam what is he hiding? Meaning the guy didn't even have enough time to throw away the 'evidence' before God was present again.
Actually, even though i am mentioning God a lot and questioning a lot in the same sentences i do not mean any disrespect. I just want to point something that i feel, as a human touch to the telling of the way it happened. Something that i feel has the limitations of human thought imposed to make the story... well, not so Universal anymore but from the point of view of that person. Anyway, feel free to flame me anytime. I know my questions have large loopholes in them as well. Ehehehe.!!~ So, help me find them to make my argument stronger and more penetrating and accurate rather than just shooting blindly.

Ok see, this is why my frens ask me to keep my explanations short.

Anyway, other than reading and asking absurd questions that annoy others but interests me. I also love to play sports in a general note. Nothing specific and not focusing to win. But, i want to be able to learn the many sports available in the world and be somewhat good at them. Sigh, i regret never starting out on the Extreme sports path while i was younger. At least skateboarding or roller-blading would have been wicked.

Next, i really cannot think of anything other than trying to play up tunes on my guitar. It is fun but it can get frustrating. So i had a few goals to keep me going. Sadly once i lost my old guitar and my folder which had some original stuff that i liked in it, I really cannot recapture the original momentum i used to have. Heck i don't even know how to play the tunes i used to play effortlessly then. Trying to build myself around the blockade and focus on other songs though. Heheeh...it's working somewhat. Any other approach i could try ladies and gentlemen? Just shoot man!~ I'll see if it helps.

Lastly i used to have a passion for TV, but it has really waned in the recent years after my SPM. I now stick to Animes and other TV series that i can d/l from the NET, like Smallville which is my absolute Favourite!!~ Daisuki desu!!!~ I mean i started watching the show with skepticism but with good reviews from Jeevan. But, it just caught on to me. I am gonna be so lost after season 7....which is reputed to be the final season. Sigh!~ And 5 is already coming up...=(. Yup, that's how crazy i am about that show.

Lately i've been paying more attention to ways of taking care of myself la. So, that i dun just drop dead when my parents are not around. Ahaha...So this is a growing interest of mine. To learn to survive in the normal world doing normal chores and cooking and eating normal food rather than wishing i was in the forest going ape and looking for bananas. (No!~ it hasn't happened before. Just a JOKE~Sheesh!!~)

I guess these are the most major of stuff that i LIKE in my life. Anyway i have been typing non-stop for so long now. I am totally blur. Feel so tired. Gotta..go...res-

-Mathan-

Disastrousness at its best!!~Part 1

Hi guys,

Well, i mean i don't think anybody reads this blog anymore since there has been inactivity for so long dy. So, hi Cyberspace. Hmmnn...things were moving in good ways but then i have been wasting my time waiting for the new job in Westport. Horribly long time i have wasted. In fact i resigned my job in Teletech to wait for this job and i am no longer sure if it was the right decision. But, i have to say that my friends have been quite supportive and i am really glad for your kind encouragements and motivations. THANKS!!~

Anyway, i have a lot of questions in my head now. What exactly DO i want to do with my life? I know deep in my heart that i am hell capable of more than waiting for a fucking job in Westport. Then what is holding me back? Why am i not saying "well, fuck that!", and going on with my life? What the bloody hell am i waiting for? To work THEN find out what i like to do or not? Isn't that stupid? It's ME!!~ I should be able to figure it out myself.

Got to thank Joe for that chat we had last week. I mean it really opened my eyes to the stuff that i have been totally keeping in the middle of a fortress in my heart. Starting with things that i HATE. Yeah, have to be a bit more open about it. Keeping it inside is not going to make any differences is there? I become a nice, funny guy but people walk over me. They think making fun of my opinions, feelings, ideas and ME in general is funny. Well, it's NOT!~ I hate it. PLease make more intelligent jokes like we used to when we were all younger. Let's make creative jokes about the world around us and laugh rather than target ourselves. Of course, i know 'shooting' me for a mistake i made is totally acceptable and i am not so moronic as to say u cannot blame me....PLEASE do refrain from repeating it too many times though. I don't repeat your mistakes like a parakeet do i? I accept you rite? So , just bloody accept ME k?

Oh my darling, Lady Life!!~

Hey guys,

Well, life is a beautiful and mysterious entity. Just like the women that i have met in my life. Of course when i say "the women in my life", i mean those that i fell deeply in love with. When i went seeking for their heart and their commitment to me, all i got was nothing. Yet, the moment i left them alone they willingly came closer than they had ever been, bared to me a part of their memories, thoughts and trusts. They proved me wrong everytime i thought "she hates me". They did have love, but in a different way from what i felt.

To you who knew how i felt, thanks for your support and continued love to me. I will cherish it no matter where i am, when i am, what i am. To you who didn't know i loved you, i wish i would get ONE chance to mention it to you some time before the end of our lives. Hey you're special! =P You deserve to know that. This is the simple logic.

As to the connection with Life. When i pursued the best of 'her' and i wanted it all from 'her'. She turned a deaf ear to me and showered her love elsewhere(or so i thought). Yet, the moment i told my self that "she doesn't love me" she is proving me wrong and turning around and "showering" me with oppurtunities that i cannot afford to miss. She is giving me her love and trust in a different way than i expected. I cannot believe my eyes, yet i am being blessed at every turn in the recent chapters of my life.

Thus, i would like to thank all the women in my life. You darlings taught me the lesson (through the last 24 years of my life) of doing the best with what i get to work with in my hands and not with what my ego expected. So, yeah i am doing the best with what i have. Things seem to be looking up in the coming months for starters.

I love my life; I hope she loves me back too~~!!
-Mathan-

Been some time

Hey guys,

It's been some time since i last posted here. Things are starting to look upbeat again. I have a job now. Looks like my name is going to be attached to Teletech Sdn. Bhd. or the time being. I am undergoing training to be a Customer Service Representative for SIA.

Training has been interesting and the people there are very interesting as well. =). Singaporeans, ex-call center employees for Maxis and Amex and Astro, a married lady, a totally cute and innocent young girl, SIM, a stewardess that dropped out from training a few days back....things have been definitely interesting.

Training itself was a bit tedious in the beginning when they were trying thier best to download all the knowledge into our heads. But then now they are more concerned about us trying to bring it all back out to solve problems, in the MOST professional way. Hahahaa...So things are exciting.

Hopefully, i can really clique with the seniors once i am out on the floor answering calls because we would be asigned to different workstations and workgroups. If only the pay was a few hundred more than it currently is, I am sure that i would feel a lot happier working there. As it is there are a lot of rules and regulations about how our salary is paid out to us. Ahhh whatever, i will take this as a blessing and learn as much as i can answering calls and helping people before i take the next step in my career.

Well that's all for the moment. Nothing much else seems to be happening at the moment.

Peace out you guys!~
-Mathan-