Disastrousness at its best!!~Part 2

Hmmnn...Guys n Gals!~

The process has begun. I am trying to question as deeply as i can. I am trying to see what is fundamentally ME! ; and what is just a layer on me. So far, i have felt a difference in the air around me. (Hmmnn....or did i not take a shower this morning?Sometimes deep questions like these are asked)

Of course, the next question which is a continuation from the last part is, "What do I want?" This question is currently put on hold. Ahahahahah!!~ Well i need to define myself first. Then realise why i am interested in the stuff that I am interested in. It can't be for the sake of interest alone. There has to be something more to motivate me to actually start them and then to pursue them. I feel there should be a goal for why I want to succeed in that particular field. I mean people do it instinctively and i maybe did it instinctively for the WRONG reasons. Or you DON'T need a goal to learn something like the guitar?

Of course in the last post i did 'exhale' some of the stuff i have defined as "stuff that Mathan hates". Those that read, please pay ATTENTION to it. Simple and extremely accurate information coming straight from the source. Next, we shall expand to things that i LIKE. :D Yay!~ I love reading. I read for escapism. I read to see, can i learn something new that everybody else reading the same text overlooked. Like my question to Elly that day.

"If Adam and Eve were the first Humans to be created and before them there was only God, the Garden of Eden and the Angels. The moment Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (hope i got it right) Eve immediately realised her nakedness and covered herself. She then gave the fruit to her husband Adam who at once realised his own nakedness and covered himself too. So, from being totally impartial and naive beings they 'knew' things courtesy of the fruit. This knowledge was supposed to be reserved only for God. At this point, God banished them from the Garden of Eden before they 'makan' the fruit of the Tree of Life. It was a stroke of brilliance for not trusting them anymore and sending them away, especially with the damn serpent running (slithering?) around loose. But why is it WRONG? Why is it WRONG in the eyes of GOD that something HE created (a human) is naked? What did GOD have in reference in his infinite wisdom to compare this idea with? I mean the idea of Good and Evil. Simply said i am looking at it in a one track mind while God would have looked at the problem in a Omniscient view. The question would be,"Why after putting all the pieces of the jigsaw in the same place, God would be represented as having walked away? ...and the BEST question would be why did he not send any of his servants to stop the event from ever taking place as God would have known full well this is a possibility to happen. Why come back after the event and ask Adam what is he hiding? Meaning the guy didn't even have enough time to throw away the 'evidence' before God was present again.
Actually, even though i am mentioning God a lot and questioning a lot in the same sentences i do not mean any disrespect. I just want to point something that i feel, as a human touch to the telling of the way it happened. Something that i feel has the limitations of human thought imposed to make the story... well, not so Universal anymore but from the point of view of that person. Anyway, feel free to flame me anytime. I know my questions have large loopholes in them as well. Ehehehe.!!~ So, help me find them to make my argument stronger and more penetrating and accurate rather than just shooting blindly.

Ok see, this is why my frens ask me to keep my explanations short.

Anyway, other than reading and asking absurd questions that annoy others but interests me. I also love to play sports in a general note. Nothing specific and not focusing to win. But, i want to be able to learn the many sports available in the world and be somewhat good at them. Sigh, i regret never starting out on the Extreme sports path while i was younger. At least skateboarding or roller-blading would have been wicked.

Next, i really cannot think of anything other than trying to play up tunes on my guitar. It is fun but it can get frustrating. So i had a few goals to keep me going. Sadly once i lost my old guitar and my folder which had some original stuff that i liked in it, I really cannot recapture the original momentum i used to have. Heck i don't even know how to play the tunes i used to play effortlessly then. Trying to build myself around the blockade and focus on other songs though. Heheeh...it's working somewhat. Any other approach i could try ladies and gentlemen? Just shoot man!~ I'll see if it helps.

Lastly i used to have a passion for TV, but it has really waned in the recent years after my SPM. I now stick to Animes and other TV series that i can d/l from the NET, like Smallville which is my absolute Favourite!!~ Daisuki desu!!!~ I mean i started watching the show with skepticism but with good reviews from Jeevan. But, it just caught on to me. I am gonna be so lost after season 7....which is reputed to be the final season. Sigh!~ And 5 is already coming up...=(. Yup, that's how crazy i am about that show.

Lately i've been paying more attention to ways of taking care of myself la. So, that i dun just drop dead when my parents are not around. Ahaha...So this is a growing interest of mine. To learn to survive in the normal world doing normal chores and cooking and eating normal food rather than wishing i was in the forest going ape and looking for bananas. (No!~ it hasn't happened before. Just a JOKE~Sheesh!!~)

I guess these are the most major of stuff that i LIKE in my life. Anyway i have been typing non-stop for so long now. I am totally blur. Feel so tired. Gotta..go...res-

-Mathan-

Disastrousness at its best!!~Part 1

Hi guys,

Well, i mean i don't think anybody reads this blog anymore since there has been inactivity for so long dy. So, hi Cyberspace. Hmmnn...things were moving in good ways but then i have been wasting my time waiting for the new job in Westport. Horribly long time i have wasted. In fact i resigned my job in Teletech to wait for this job and i am no longer sure if it was the right decision. But, i have to say that my friends have been quite supportive and i am really glad for your kind encouragements and motivations. THANKS!!~

Anyway, i have a lot of questions in my head now. What exactly DO i want to do with my life? I know deep in my heart that i am hell capable of more than waiting for a fucking job in Westport. Then what is holding me back? Why am i not saying "well, fuck that!", and going on with my life? What the bloody hell am i waiting for? To work THEN find out what i like to do or not? Isn't that stupid? It's ME!!~ I should be able to figure it out myself.

Got to thank Joe for that chat we had last week. I mean it really opened my eyes to the stuff that i have been totally keeping in the middle of a fortress in my heart. Starting with things that i HATE. Yeah, have to be a bit more open about it. Keeping it inside is not going to make any differences is there? I become a nice, funny guy but people walk over me. They think making fun of my opinions, feelings, ideas and ME in general is funny. Well, it's NOT!~ I hate it. PLease make more intelligent jokes like we used to when we were all younger. Let's make creative jokes about the world around us and laugh rather than target ourselves. Of course, i know 'shooting' me for a mistake i made is totally acceptable and i am not so moronic as to say u cannot blame me....PLEASE do refrain from repeating it too many times though. I don't repeat your mistakes like a parakeet do i? I accept you rite? So , just bloody accept ME k?